Judgy Mommy

I've realized as I've been a mom that the most judgemental people are those without children.  Similar to how everyone at some time has thought or said, "I will/would never do THAT."  Then it's 4am on the 2nd week without sleep and you not only have your baby sleeping on his or her tummy, but the baby is sleeping on your chest on his tummy while you catch the first shut eye since his or her birth. And you check off the first thing you said you would never do before the baby came to reside on this earth.

Along the way I've realized that the feeling of being judged by your mommy peers never really goes away.  Likely people aren't really thinking you are a bad mom by having your child securely strapped into a harness, but the fact that you have your child on a leash just sends the feeling of daggers your way.  Similar to how I feel when I put Lucy in the shopping cart without the cover.  Mind you she has been sick once in her life.  Once.  But I can't shake the feeling that I'm exposing her to unmentionable germs and everyone at the store is condemning me for being such a dirty person.

My difficulties I had to get over with Lucy was the breastfeeding stigma, because I still tend to be pretty judgy about that.  And feeding her jars of food instead of painstakingly preparing it for her. 

So, I have to briefly address the breastfeeding issue (because if you know me you also know I could go on for hours about it!)  I have never understood women who CHOOSE not to breastfeed.  I'm completely eliminating those women who for whatever reason are unable to because of medications they need or are physiologically incapable.  I'm referring to the women who just WON'T.  I believe it is still my responsibility to provide nutrition to my child even after she no longer resides in my body.  End of story.  Now I was under the impression that would be an easy task. You have a baby, you produce milk.  No big deal.  Then the reality of my body occurred and $400 a month later I was producing like 2 ounces of breastmilk PER DAY.  But, I paid it and we breastfed for 9 months and I would totally do it all over again just to have the peace of mind that I did my job.  It wasn't for my lack of effort, it was my body that didnt know what the hell to do.  Not my fault and I did the best I could and I'm totally cool with that.  That doesn't mean that for the first year I didn't prepare Lucy's formula in breastmilk containers so that other people wouldn't know that she was not actually dining on breastmilk. 

Then there's the jar food vs. prepared food debate.  I swore I would be that mom that pureed all of Lucy's food and froze it into perfect little ice cube tray squares for later consumption.  I pictured myself spending a day in the kitchen every couple of weeks to make delicious and nutritious food for my sweet girl.  Everyone said "ok".  Then gave me the "sure you will" look while reminding me that I don't cook.  I'm not usually the cook in the family so this would really be a huge undertaking for me.  But I did it, I made carrots and applesauce.  Green beans.  Etc.  And Lucy hated them.  Actually, she hated all food.  Feeding her was and still is a huge ordeal.  And I felt, probably selfishly, that if she wasn't going to eat the food I provided her I wasn't going to take the time to cook it myself.  Thankfully I found Earth's Best Organics.  I realized that I might have been cooking the foods for her, but these were organic foods.  Prepared with combos of veggies and fruits and they were actually tasty.  And time saving.  So I didn't feel like I was spooning poison into her mouth every time I was trying to feed her, I knew she was still getting good, clean nutrition.  And gradually I became ok with that.  I wasn't supermom who pureed all her foods.  I'm ok with that too.

I think one of the challenges with raising children is that amount of pressure we put on ourselves.  The pressure to not be judged.  Pressure to raise our babies the right way, whatever you deem that to be.  And pressure to overcome your fears of being judged because honestly I've realized who gives a damn.  I typically don't care what other people think of me, but somehow when I had Lucy I wanted to be perfect in the pursuit of motherhood.  I'm gradually realizing that even in this area, I just don't give a damn if people are being judgy toward me or my family.  It's very liberating.  And something I highly recommend to all my mommy friends who are struggling with this as much as I did!